The Dead Are Still Our Family: On Love, Loss, and Korean Shamanism

Chasing Dreams and Butterflies PART 2

Original 1904 Edition of WUTHERING HEIGHTS

Catherine has just died giving birth. Heathcliff, upon hearing the news, is overcome with rage, grief, and desperation. In a private moment of anguish, alone with her dead body before the funeral, he speaks the famous lines…

“Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you—haunt me, then!
The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!
Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!”

Chapter XVI of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (1847)

We Need a Better Channel of Communication!!

If you had met my Mom and Dad, you would KNOW, just by seeing them, that their determination, strength, and love went beyond normal boundaries. They overcame race, family opposition, and all odds to build a life for themselves that was beautiful, unique, exciting, and BIG.

My parents, whose love defied borders.

We lost my Dad when I was on a work trip in Chile. We lost my Mom at home. As we have lost every one of the dogs we’ve adopted and adored till the very end.

So why this fascination with Korean shamanism? I must be a kooky weirdo who believes in magic, right? Nope.

I KNOW my loved ones are on the other side, waiting for us, watching us live. I’m not proud of some moments they’ve witnessed…but let’s not talk about that.

Credit: Courtesy Everett Collection. Copyright: Courtesy Everett Collection. Kim Go-eun during a shamanic ritual from the movie “Exhuma.”

I also know, despite my mother’s anxiety over not having “a better channel of communication,” that my loved ones in the other world are looking after us. No, wait, listen to this.

I’ve been having trouble with “acid reflux” (trust me, I don’t wanna talk about this either, but it’s necessary for the story) for months. My gastro finds that it’s not acid reflux, it’s my gallbladder that’s not shaped right and bile is re-routing the wrong way (again, forgive me…I’m almost at my point).

1. I ask around for a good surgeon and my friend A says she knows a good GP.

2. A’s GP says I should get my ultrasound re-done because the one I had doesn’t seem clear.

3. Meanwhile….don’t get lost, just take my hand…we’re almost there…my friend B says she has a great surgeon.

4. I go back to my original gastro (don’t leave now…almost there) and he says, oh, boy, you’re gonna need a surgeon. I say, “My friend B told me Dr. SM is excellent.” My gastro grabs my file, takes me by the arm, walks me to the office across the hallway and says, Dr. SM is right here, he was your boss’s surgeon, he’s the best.

5. I thank my friend A for her referral to the GP and that thanks to her I got a second ultrasound. I mention that I am being operated on by Dr. SM. She says, “No way! He’s the brother of the famous ballerina PM — a good friend of mine.”

Did you SEE that circle of fate, of un-myeong?! Are you going to tell me you don’t see my people guiding me from the other side and my mother probably arguing with everyone that the channel of communication sucks and we need something better?!!

In Korea, mudang (shamans) perform rituals to communicate with spirits. I wrote about this in more depth in this earlier piece, where I explored how shamanism helps connect with our ancestors.

Why do we need shamans? Because those who have passed are still our family. The dead will continue being our ancestors forever and we will always ask for their blessing, help or guidance.

Death is not something to “get over,” but something to understand, honor, and transform. Korean shamans, by speaking with the dead, help the living find emotional release. They help comfort the deceased, remember them, and guide them to peace. Rituals help families realign spiritually, often breaking cycles of trauma or perceived inherited misfortune.

Kim Keum-hwa (1931-2019), one of the most renowned Korean mudang of her time, said: Korean shamanism is deeply rooted in Korean history as the oldest belief system and has played a great role in curing deep wounds of the Korean people who went through colonization and the Korean War.

Korean Shamanism, the Mexican Day of the Dead, and many other ancestral traditions show that death doesn’t end relationships, it TRANSFORMS them. Some with chanting, some with incense, some with food offerings. All with love.

In Korea, the dead are not gone — they’re still part of the family. And in my life, they still show up…even in ultrasounds and surgical referrals.

Do you believe your loved ones still guide you? Have you ever felt their presence or seen signs?

I'd love to hear your story. Leave a comment or send a message — let's keep the channel open.