So well written, you put into words why that feeling of the literal ball of anger in your throat that hurts even more because you’re holding it back. “You become so good at functioning with anger that you stop recognizing it as anger at all. You just call it your personality” is my favorite line 🤍
Thank you so much!! Yes, there comes a moment when we feel like it's just who we are...and that's not always the right response. I done this lots of time.
Yup, that "ball" is very painful. Hard to swallow at all. It's physical , and it lets you know, you'd better drop it for now, or you will be called emotional and out of control. Men can get angry and screaming and yell all they want, but heaven forbid we should do it!
I always found there were more subtle ways to handle someone'sanger, even if it comes from a woman -- as long as a woman is patient about it.
Although it's not about a lover's betrayay, I think this phrase describes the payback well:
There is a multitude of stories I could recount from work and personal life, but suffice it to say, my family seems eerily similar, and I learned to zip my lips before speaking.
The result? Every time I paused, my quiet planning for escape paid off in the end. No details required, except to say, there is nothing like leaving a boss or supposed "loved one" in the lurch to flounder alone after I leave for pastures where anger isn't even required :-)
Being silent in the face of anger can have its rewards. Someone once said to me, "It's like sailing. A sail boat cannot move forward with no wind. When someone spews anger at you, for any reason at all, just ignore it. If they cannot find someone to argue with or fight, then they will give up and turn to find wind elsewhere."
Right?! That's exactly how I feel about it! It's so swallow fire and then get rid of that habit, though. By the way, can I ask you something? When you received the email for this post were you able to read the whole thing, not just a preview? For some reason, it reaad "preview" in my list of published essays. Weird.
Yes, no problem. Sometimes I click through and read it on the app. But I double checked my trash where I put things after I've read them. And the whole newsletter is there.
So well written, you put into words why that feeling of the literal ball of anger in your throat that hurts even more because you’re holding it back. “You become so good at functioning with anger that you stop recognizing it as anger at all. You just call it your personality” is my favorite line 🤍
Thank you so much!! Yes, there comes a moment when we feel like it's just who we are...and that's not always the right response. I done this lots of time.
Yup, that "ball" is very painful. Hard to swallow at all. It's physical , and it lets you know, you'd better drop it for now, or you will be called emotional and out of control. Men can get angry and screaming and yell all they want, but heaven forbid we should do it!
I always found there were more subtle ways to handle someone'sanger, even if it comes from a woman -- as long as a woman is patient about it.
Although it's not about a lover's betrayay, I think this phrase describes the payback well:
"Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned."
I pay that price everyday. It will kill me. I’m not Korean and I’m still in the same situ.
It's a hard situation because it affects your health, mental and physical.
It has. It really has. That emotional boulder in the chest slowly crushes one to death.
In Korea some people call it swallowing fire. I get why.
Yes, yes.
Your post has a very insightful psychoanalitic touch - excellent.
Thank you so much!!
I recognized every line!
There is a multitude of stories I could recount from work and personal life, but suffice it to say, my family seems eerily similar, and I learned to zip my lips before speaking.
The result? Every time I paused, my quiet planning for escape paid off in the end. No details required, except to say, there is nothing like leaving a boss or supposed "loved one" in the lurch to flounder alone after I leave for pastures where anger isn't even required :-)
Being silent in the face of anger can have its rewards. Someone once said to me, "It's like sailing. A sail boat cannot move forward with no wind. When someone spews anger at you, for any reason at all, just ignore it. If they cannot find someone to argue with or fight, then they will give up and turn to find wind elsewhere."
Right?! That's exactly how I feel about it! It's so swallow fire and then get rid of that habit, though. By the way, can I ask you something? When you received the email for this post were you able to read the whole thing, not just a preview? For some reason, it reaad "preview" in my list of published essays. Weird.
Yes, no problem. Sometimes I click through and read it on the app. But I double checked my trash where I put things after I've read them. And the whole newsletter is there.
thank you for checking!!