14 Comments
User's avatar
Yanyu 煙雨's avatar

So well written, you put into words why that feeling of the literal ball of anger in your throat that hurts even more because you’re holding it back. “You become so good at functioning with anger that you stop recognizing it as anger at all. You just call it your personality” is my favorite line 🤍

Ink & Heritage's avatar

Thank you so much!! Yes, there comes a moment when we feel like it's just who we are...and that's not always the right response. I done this lots of time.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

Yup, that "ball" is very painful. Hard to swallow at all. It's physical , and it lets you know, you'd better drop it for now, or you will be called emotional and out of control. Men can get angry and screaming and yell all they want, but heaven forbid we should do it!

I always found there were more subtle ways to handle someone'sanger, even if it comes from a woman -- as long as a woman is patient about it.

Although it's not about a lover's betrayay, I think this phrase describes the payback well:

"Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Jay's avatar
May 13Edited

I pay that price everyday. It will kill me. I’m not Korean and I’m still in the same situ.

Ink & Heritage's avatar

It's a hard situation because it affects your health, mental and physical.

Jay's avatar

It has. It really has. That emotional boulder in the chest slowly crushes one to death.

Ink & Heritage's avatar

In Korea some people call it swallowing fire. I get why.

Jay's avatar

Yes, yes.

jean montecristo's avatar

Your post has a very insightful psychoanalitic touch - excellent.

Ink & Heritage's avatar

Thank you so much!!

Waving From A Distance's avatar

I recognized every line!

There is a multitude of stories I could recount from work and personal life, but suffice it to say, my family seems eerily similar, and I learned to zip my lips before speaking.

The result? Every time I paused, my quiet planning for escape paid off in the end. No details required, except to say, there is nothing like leaving a boss or supposed "loved one" in the lurch to flounder alone after I leave for pastures where anger isn't even required :-)

Being silent in the face of anger can have its rewards. Someone once said to me, "It's like sailing. A sail boat cannot move forward with no wind. When someone spews anger at you, for any reason at all, just ignore it. If they cannot find someone to argue with or fight, then they will give up and turn to find wind elsewhere."

Ink & Heritage's avatar

Right?! That's exactly how I feel about it! It's so swallow fire and then get rid of that habit, though. By the way, can I ask you something? When you received the email for this post were you able to read the whole thing, not just a preview? For some reason, it reaad "preview" in my list of published essays. Weird.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

Yes, no problem. Sometimes I click through and read it on the app. But I double checked my trash where I put things after I've read them. And the whole newsletter is there.

Ink & Heritage's avatar

thank you for checking!!